Frozen
by Beckydaspatz
Summary: Sam and Dean have a mishap while hunting a yeti. Stupid, silly fun! No winchest, no spoilers, hope all who read enjoy. :
1. Chapter 1

**A.n.: Trying my hand at my first dialogue only story. This is for you Dorothy, hope you get a giggle from it! :D Also I'm not sure if it is going to be a oneshot or a couple of chapters, let me know what you think. No winchest, no spoilers, enjoy! Thanks, as always, for reading.  
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**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

"Um...Sam?"

"Yeah Dean?"

"Why are you spooning me?"

"I'm not."

"Okay snuggling then."

"Dude, I'm not."

"I'm not a teddy bear for you to cuddle."

"Dean, quit being an ass!"

"Sorry Sammy but you breathing my air is just to close for comfort bro."

"Not like I'm having a great time here man."

"Then get off."

"I can't."

"Yeah you can. It's really easy. You take your hands off of me and then move the freak away. Tada! Personal space rule restored."

"Dean,"

"Don't get all bitchy on me, just move."

"You passed out."

"What?"

"You. passed. out."

"What do you mean?"

"Your eyes played hide and go seek with the back of your skull."

"I'm not an idiot Sam, I know what passed out means. Well, what the hell happened?"

"Hypothermia."

"Huh?"

"Hunting a yeti. Trapped in a cave, ringing any bells."

"Um...not really."

"Not surprising."

"So you are getting friendly with my leg because..."

"You were suffering from hypothermia."

"Right."

"Don't know if you have noticed but it's really cold here."

"I'm fine now Sam."

"No you're not."

"Sure I am! If you let me up we can go find that stupid mother and we can,"

"**You** can stay here until you stop feeling like a Dean-cicle."

"Oh come on Sam."

"Nope. I'm not hunting that stupid thing with your teeth chattering and giving us away."

"Sam it's not even that bad, look. See me wiggling my hand? Well that was a dumb question, of course you can't see it. But it's wiggling man. I'm good."

"You were talking about seeing fairies man and you had no idea where you were before you took your little nap. So until your toes don't feel like little frozen sausages we are staying put."

"How long will that take?"

"I don't know Dean, as long as it takes."

"Dude?"

"Yeah?"

"This blows."

"Tell me about it."'

**A.w.: Well? What did you think? If nothing else I hope it put a smile on your face on the beginning of this week.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N.: Wow, so seems like you guys liked the first chapter, thank you so, SO much. Thank you sylia91, memphis-heat123, grecian, Sharlot, smalld1171 and LeighAnnWallace! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your reviews and feedback. Hope you like chapter 2! :-) Let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"How long have we been here?"

"I don't know."

"Can't you take an educated guess?"

"Too damn long."

"Hardy har Sam. Seriously dude, how long?"

"Shit Dean, I don't know. A couple of hours?"

"Don't you think we can get up now?"

"That would be a good idea, except..."

"Except what? You can't bear the idea of being away from my side?"

"Yeah Dean that's it."

"Well what is it then? Cause I am getting really anxious for some me time right about now."

"My leg's stuck."

"Stuck? Stuck on what?"

"The mountain of snow that has us trapped here."

"Mountain of snow...You better start talking now Sam. What the hell is going on?"

"We were hunting that Yeti and there was an avalanche, you being an endless martyr shoved me out of the way and into the cave."

"Okay that explains why I am where I am, but not you."

"You were buried Dean, I had just finished digging you out when another one hit. Not as bad as the first one, but it trapped my right leg."

"Son of a bitch! You okay Sammy?"

"I'm fine. After we figure out how to get you out of here you can help me free my leg."

"Yeah, sounds good. We'll free you and free me and then...what the hell was that?"

"Um...my stomach."

"Nice try Sam. Seriously, it sounds like a garbage disposal on acid."

"Dean, I'm going to need you to stay nice and quiet and don't move."

"Not much chance of that bro with you spider monkeying my arms and legs. What _is_ that?"

"_That_ is a pissed off Yeti with a bullet wound in it's gut."

"Oh, crap."

"Yeah."

"Do you speak Wookie Sam?"

"No Dean they didn't offer Wookie 101 at Stanford."

"Told you college was a waste of time man."

"Quit joking around dude, we need to come up with a plan. And fast!"

"What's the big deal? I'm at about fifty percent and you're trapped. Piece of cake."

"Well what half is up and running?"

"..."

"Dean?"

"The half that is attached to you."

"We are so screwed."

"Yup. I just got one more question for you."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"You're not naked right?"

"Dean, what the hell?"

"Just saying. It would be really friggin embarrassing if we got slaughtered by a Yeti and you were wearing your birthday suit."

"..."

"And it's not even your birthday."

"Dean."

"Yeah Sammy?"

"Shut up."


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N.: And here we go Chapter 3! Thanks to everyone who reads, likes and reviews this silly, silly story! Love to all of you :D**

**Disclaimer: So far there have been no haunted roller coasters, evil dust bunnies, or grumpy Yetis on the show, so I don't own it *sigh***

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you think we should do?"

"I don't know. I'm thinking."

"Better do it fast bro, fuzzy is getting closer."

"I know Dean, I can hear it."

"Do you think we should play dead?"

"That's for bears."

"Okay genius well then what do you suggest?"

"I'm thinking."

"No hurry Sam, it's just right _freaking _there!"

"I know Dean! Jesus, okay, okay."

"Sorry Sammy."

"It's fine. Just let me think."

"…."

"It has to get through all of the snow to get to us."

"Great, it's going to work up an appetite."

"Yeah. Dammit! Can't see anything!"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean its pitch black in this stupid cave."

"It's black in here? Shit, I just thought that was my head injury playing tricks on my eyes."

"Nope. It's dark and cold and freezing in here, pretty much the top three things desired for a cave."

"Guess that is why you never find them on the front of better home and gardens."

"You read better homes and gardens?"

"No. Forget that, Sam what do you have around you right now?"

"I can't see, remember?"

"I know dude, use your freakishly overgrown mitts and paw around, what do you feel?"

"Um…first aid kit."

"Yeah get that, we will patch fluffy up and then in its gratitude it will want to be our pet. You always wanted a dog Sam."

"You're hysterical Dean."

"I know."

"No Dean, hysterical as in at the brink of hysteria."

"Bitch."

"Okay, let's see what we got."

"That's my leg."

"Okay."

"That's my other leg."

"Okay."

"Whoa Sam! Not on the first date."

"Try to stay focused Dean."

"Hey I wasn't the one man handling my…what the hell are you doing?"

"Looking for your lighter."

"Why?"

"We packed beers Dean."

"And? You really think getting drunk is the most ideal plan right now?"

"There it is!"

"Well I feel violated."

"Dean, can you tear off a piece of your shirt?"

"Um…yeah. Here."

"Great, now if I can just,"

"Sam, are you doing what I think you are doing?"

"Yup."

"What if you miss?"

"Guess you will have to come up with the next plan to save our asses."

**A.W.: Will Sam's plan work? Will they get out of there? Will Dean ever stop being a smart ass? Stay tuned!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N.: Hi again guys, sorry it took me awhile to update but I've been a bit preoccupied with actual life. I really wish there was a cure for that. :P Thank so much for all of the lovely reviews, I wish to God that I knew each of you people personally and could give you a real life hug, but I don't so a verbal THANK YOU will have to do. :-] Sylia91, I googled it and NO you can't make an affective moltov cocktail with beer my only defense to this is that this story is about an angry Yeti which also is not very plausible. LOL, hope you enjoy anyway even if you have to tuck away your logic for this one! Haha! **

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

"Sam?"

"Yeah Dean?"

"I know you don't like to be rushed but it's getting a little crowded in here bro."

"I know."

"So, what's the ETA for our Molotov cocktail?"

"I'm dousing the ends in butane. Not sure if the beer will work, but,"

"Wait a damn minute! You're not SURE?"

"Dean, I'm doing the best I can, it's not exactly like we have an arsenal in here."

"I know, sorry, sorry. I just can't sit here much longer, I'm going crazy."

"That makes two of us dude. Just one more minute and... Got it!"

"Hurry up and light that torch Sam, I can't see a damn thing and it just got creepy quiet in here."

"Okay."

"Jesus dude! Not so close, now where is that...SON OF A BITCH!"

"DEAN!"

"Throw it Sam! Throw the goddamn thing!"

"What about you?"

"I'm about to be turned into Yeti kibble, just THROW IT!"

"Okay, stay down Dean!"

"You got it!"

"I did?"

"Yeah, can't you see the big flaming fuzzball I am crawling away from?"

"No, I have my eyes closed."

"..."

"Dean?"

"What the hell Sam?"

"What?"

"You have your damn eyes closed? Why in the hell would you do that when you are chucking a fire bomb towards me!"

"I didn't want to see if I missed."

"..."

"Dean?"

"Thanks Sammy."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good, trying to find the heart in this thick chest. It's making some sort of terrible noises and it smells like shit dude."

"What are you killing it with?"

"Ski pole."

"Where the hell did you find that?"

" Dude, Yeti cave. We aren't the first people this thing has tucked away for an all you can eat buffet."

"So we are basically sitting in a bone yard?"

"Yup. There! The bitch is dead, courtesy of poor nameless bastard that I am currently sitting on."

"I really want to get out of here Dean. I feel like I'm gonna be sick."

"Alright Sammy, hold your horses. Let me just get situated."

"I think I can wiggle my leg free."

"I'm on fire."

"Yeah dude, you rock. Not like I made a makeshift grenade or anything."

"No Sam, I'M ON FIRE!"

"Oh shit!"


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N: Sorry it took me a couple of days to update, but it has been a LOOOOOOOOONG week. Hope you enjoy and I will be posting a new chapter tomorrow. Thanks as always for reading!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

"SAM!"

"Dean, try to calm down! All of the flailing is not helping."

"Are you freaking _kidding _me? I'm like a Dean Flambe right now!"

"Okay roll into the snow."

"Right!"

"Shit! Not into me!"

"God that's cold!"

"The flames are going down."

"Down, but not out. You got to do something Sam!"

"Okay."

"Ow! Why are you hitting me?"

"I'm smothering the flames, quit freaking out Dean!"

" Instinct Sam, I get hit and I really want to hit back."

"Now it's just smoldering. Fire's out."

"Well one of us listened to Smokey in school."

"Haha. Well it looks like you have some burns, nothing some ointment won't fix."

"Thank you Florence Nightingale."

"Seriously, you okay?"

"Seriously, no. I have like no hair on my arm now."

"Yeah, that looks kinda weird."

"Whatever. I'm ready to get out of here. What about you?"

"Definitely. Can you move?"

"Well yeah if you could shift your weight."

"Oh yeah sorry. That better?"

"I'm free! About time I was starting to feel like we were some freaking conjoined twins."

"You're welcome for saving your life and all."

"Hey! I just needed another second and I would have come up with a plan."

"Sure. You had one arm free, what were you going to do karate chop it to death?"

"No, I was going to wait for it to get close and then bite into it's jugular."

"First off, that's super gross. Second off, your mouth only ever gets you into trouble not out of it."

"Oh ho! Either my concussion is making me hear things or you actually just said something funny."

"Let's debate that once we get out of here."

"Yeah okay, tired of playing footsie with you anyway."

"Dean,"

"Yeah yeah I got it."

"Okay move a little to the left,"

"Can you wiggle your leg free?"

"I think so...ow! Damn!"

"What? What is it?"

"Nothing just have to..."

"Sammy, what is it?"

"Just a bit more trapped than I would thought."

"Well is it broken? Are you bleeding?"

"How should I know? It's buried under a layer of snow."

"Well what if I...there! Can you move it now?"

"Dean, what are you doing? Be careful."

"What do you mean be careful, I'm just digging to get your leg out."

"Dean, do you not see the mountain of snow there? The slightest shift could make it come down and everything seems a little unstable."

"Okay so do we do this quick or do we do this slow?"

"We do this carefully, the last thing we need is,"

"Gotcha. So pull it out a little bit more,"

"It feels like it is coming free."

"About time something went right on this trip."

"You said it."

"Um...Sam, does that snow look like it's moving to you?"

" Uh...yeah it does."

"What do we do now?"

"Shit! Just yank it out Dean!"

"Oh god, it's like a snow tidal wave."

"Now Dean, do it now!"

"Pull your leg out Sam!"

"Got it!"

"Move your ass!"

"DEAN!"


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N.: In case you have any doubt that you rock (readers, reviewers) YOU ROCK! Seriously, my whole day is MADE when I see a review from one of you. I get a big stupid grin on my face. You have done your good deed for the week; I will be sure to text Santa and let him know to put you all on the good list. Yay I am that nerdy. What I mean to say is THANK YOU! From the bottom of my heart, THANK. YOU! Hope everyone is having a great night.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

"Sam?"

"..."

"Sam!"

"..."

"Sammy!"

"Dude, quit yelling."

"Sam?"

"What?"

"Oh thank God."

"What happened?"

"I guess it was your turn to get buried."

"The snow… but how?"

"Whoa easy Sam, take it slow."

"How did we?"

"_We_ didn't do much of anything. I pulled us out."

"Are you okay?"

"Minus not having any feeling in any of my extremities, yeah I'm just peachy."

"How did you manage to?"

"Dig you out and save the day?"

"Yeah."

"Because I'm awesome."

"Are we?"

"Out of the cave and about to be on our way into town."

"Oh good. That's good."

"You sure you're okay, you were out cold for a while. No pun intended."

"I think so. I feel okay, could use a hot a shower and five layers of blankets."

"Know what you mean. It's flipping freezing out here."

"How far until we get to town?"

"Pretty far, your leg got pretty twisted so I don't think you can walk on it."

"Well what do we do then?"

"Well since you have been taking your nap for forever princess I had time to make…this!"

"A bunch of sticks tied together with bungee cords?"

"A sled dumb ass. One that I will be loading your gargantuan body onto to haul into town."

"Um...no that's okay. I'll walk."

"What? It's totally fine."

"I can walk, I can, God! Son of bitch!"

"**You** can sit your butt down Sam. Your chariot awaits."

"Dude, knock it off."

"Don't know what you are being so weird for. It's not so different from how you usually sit… with a stick up your ass."

"Dean!"

"Alright, alright I get it. No more jokes while you're on the mend."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. When we get back to civilization I'm going to take like an hour long hot shower,"

"Mhmmm."

"And drink a whole bottle of scotch."

"Okay."

"And find a busty blonde that wants to upgrade from the bunny slope of men."

"Right."

"Oh come on don't give me that bitchface. Sorry dude but I have had enough man on man Brokeback Mountain bonding to last a lifetime."

"Do you even hear what comes out of your mouth?"

"Yeah, what?"

"Brokeback Mountain, better homes and gardens, I'm thinking I might have to revoke your hetero card after this trip."

"And I'm thinking I'm going to tip your not so dainty ass out of my sled until you roll down the side of this stupid mountain and become Sammy the snowman."

"Sounds festive."

"That's the drugs talking."

"Mhhmmmm. Good drugs."

"All the better to shut you up with."

"Hey Dean?"

"Yeah little brother?"

"No more camping trips."

"You got it."

"Not without marshmallows."

"You hate smores."

"Nuh-uh."

"You always have, ever since you got burnt marshmallows in your hair. Remember? I had to cut off your precious, floppy hair. God, you looked so goofy."

"You always…take care of me."

"Full time job man. Good benefits though."

"Thanks Dean."

**A.W.: One more chapter left just to close this one up. Sorry if this was just kinda cutesy at the end. Drugged! Sam is too cute for his own good and I needed to write something 'feel good'. :D Hope you enjoyed!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N.: Soooooo…I know I said only one more chapter left, but Sharlot really wanted more snarky Winchester fun, so I snuck in another one. Hope you get a laugh on this most terrible of weekdays. God bless all of you!**

**Disclaimer: Jensen would hate me if I owed this, so lucky for him I don't.**

"Hey Sam, you okay back there?"

"Ugh."

"Sam?"

"No…more…snow."

"Sammy? Come on, dude the man in a coma routine has gotten old."

"Watch out Dean."

"Me watch out? I'm fine man, you okay?"

"Dean!"

"What? Oh hell…. Hey Sam now would be a good time to wake up, like right the freak NOW!"

"….."

"Sam! Oh shit! SAM! Son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiitch! Umph!"

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

"Sam?"

"….."

"Sam!"

"Five more minutes…"

"SAM!"

"What?"

"Oh look who's awake, so nice of you to join me!"

"Not exactly like you gave me a choice…God my head hurts."

"Your head? Your head? How funny because I have a distinct pain in my ass named SAM!"

"Dude, what the hell is your problem?"

"My problem Sam? Hmmm…let me think about that. My problem is…"

"Why are you repeating everything I say? Is your head okay?"

"My head is fine Sam, my back however…not so much."

"Your back? What happened?"

"You really don't know?"

"No, Dean I really don't know. About all I remember from the last couple of hours is waking up outside after the last avalanche."

"Oh well that makes this harder then."

"Makes what harder?"

"….."

"Dean, what is it?"

"Well, there was a little bit of mishap trying to get down the mountain."

"Mishap? What type of mishap?"

"Nothing. Just forget it. Here let me help you back up,"

"Dean, why are you limping? You weren't limping before."

"I'm not."

"Bullshit, you are hobbling dude."

"What? No, this is just,"

"Dean."

"You ran over me."

"What?"

"You mowed over me. You were thrashing on the damn sled, and when I turned around to check on you,"

"I ran you over?"

"Yeah! I mean I can fight a lot of things, but gravity plus your overgrown self and with most of my body feeling like I have been taking a vacation in a freezer for a week too long, it was difficult to get out of the way."

"I ran you over? In a sled?"

"Um…yeah. Did I not make that pretty clear?"

"So the reason you are limping is because…oh man."

"Yeah, guess you were having nightmares or some shit because you really rocked the boat Sammy…so to speak."

"Hahaha!"

"What's so damn funny?"

"Dude, you got taken out by a sled!"

"Sammy,"

"I mean a ghetto sled no less!"

"Seriously Sam, I know it's the drugs and all, but I only have so much patience left."

"Seriously Dean! You are a gimp because of, hahahahaha!"

"Okay that's it, patience gone!"

"Hey!"

"You just got your ass dumped off of _my_ ghetto sled by your gimp brother."

"Dude, it's funny come on. Don't be that way."

"You better be glad you're injured Sam or I'd kick your ass."

"I really am sorry Dean; do you think we should trade insurance cards?"

"….."

"Dean?"

"Shut the hell up and get on the goddamn sled Sam, before I leave you to be eaten by Bigfoot."

"Okay Dean."


	8. Chapter 8

**A.N.: Got my cat curled at my feet, got my fuzzy pajamas on and the wind is whistling at my window, seems like a good night to finish this up. Thanks to everyone who has supported this story and I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. :-)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine :-(**

"Sm?"

"Be right there Dean."

"Smmy?"

"Hey Dean, hey! You're dreaming. Time to join us the land of the living bro."

"Sam, stop with the touching."

"Sorry man, just trying to wake you up."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. We're fine Dean."

"Fine...thought we were out in the snow. Feel like I've been hit by a truck..."

"You have a couple bumps and bruises, I checked you out, it's all minor."

"You're taking care of me?"

"Just trying to return the favor. Thank for that by the way."

"Don't mention it. Your leg?"

"Sprained. Your back?"

"Uhhh...stiff. What happened?"

"You got us into back into town. Right up to the door of the hotel and then you passed out on the owner. Freaked her right the hell out."

"Right, right. You were heavy."

"I'm sure I was."

"Mostly when you rolled over me."

"In the sled...oh yeah."

"You start laughing again and I'm going to shove my fist in your pie hole."

"Sorry, so uh...how are you feeling?"

"Like I got mowed down by a moose, no offense."

"No. I mean your arm and your fingers, it took you awhile to warm back up. You feeling normal again?"

"As normal as we get anyway. I can feel my toes and fingers and hey look, no Iceman breath."

"Good. That's good."

"We need to jet soon?"

"No. Actually the lady that owns the hotel kind of likes you."

"Oh, she does? Is she hot?"

"Only if geriatric shoes and walkers do it for you."

"..."

"Dean?"

"Dude!"

"She said you remind her of her grandson."

"This is the worst trip ever Sam. I mean, tell me one good thing that has come out of this descent into furry frozen Hell!"

"We saved future victims from being eaten."

"And?"

"We got to see new things."

"Didn't have deep fry a Yeti on my bucket list."

"We did some brotherly bonding."

"I'm still trying to wash off the wash and fuzzies."

"We made it back alive."

"Do you even have to remind me about the digging us out of a cave part just to get pancaked by my own damn sled?"

"I brought you hot chocolate."

" Yeah? With those little marshmallows?"

"Yeah Dean, with those little marshmallows."

"I guess it wasn't a totally waste of a trip. Thanks Sammy."

"Plus we know how to kill a Yeti in case we ever run into one again."

"Flamethrower! Been trying to add it to the arsenal for years."

"It's a good thing we have a big trunk."

"That reminds me, is my baby okay?"

"Yeah, Impala's parked outside, I went and got her yesterday."

"Got hot chocolate, got my baby and got you to call my baby a her. Yeah, it's a good day."

"Whatever you say Dean."


End file.
